


Marion Wants to Talk

by MarionMarionette



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, Drabble Collection, I just wanna talk lol, it's just me - Freeform, thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:22:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25175308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarionMarionette/pseuds/MarionMarionette
Summary: I have a lot of thoughts sometimes, and I was wondering if it'd be better for my mental health to just type them out. So I'm gonna do that.Don't worry, I'm quite entertaining ;)~This is only tagged as explicit because it fits my aesthetic~
Comments: 32
Kudos: 5





	1. Talk to Marion

Holy procrastination, Batman. When's the last time I uploaded to this account??

The truth is simply that I'm just so fucking.. not in the mood a lot of the times. Which is why The Ties and TIS haven't been updated in months and probably won't be updated at least for a few more days, because I simply am not good at deadlines or sticking to them owo

Anyways where was I?

I'm Marion, the owner of this account, and I wanted to use this platform as a way to talk to you guys, the people who read my works. I know, I know. Literally no one will read this except maybe... I'm gonna predict 5 people. But I still just like writing sometimes! Because guilt builds up and makes me want to end my life and that's not fun. Most of the time.

I might also just post random short stories because they amuse me but I don't have enough energy to finish them. That being said, I do actually have a noncon oneshot that I was in the middle of writing but then lost motivation for as soon as it got to the juicy bits. But maybe you guys would enjoy reading the lead up to it and then deciding whether I should push myself to finish it, I dunno. Up to you hue hue.

I also would like to see you guys comment on here more. As it stands, I don't really care about kudos or views. I have a story that I wrote anonymously once for some minecraft youtuber's reddit, and it was so fun and interactive with the community that I classify it as one of my most successful stories just because it has over 15 comments on it. That doesn't mean I don't find The Ties, my hereby most viewed story, to be successful, it's just that whereas I'm compelled to write that story because lots of people read it, I'm more motivated to write more minecraft fanfics because I know it makes people feel things. And that's all I want to do, to make you guys feel. So when it seems like a story makes you guys feel less.. I want to write it less. See what I'm saying?

Dear god I have adhd. WHat did I start off this chapter by saying? Definitely not this. I just write and tend to ramble and then it jumps all over the place and I'm- ah! I have no thoughts!

Anyways... like I was saying, I like hearing from you guys. It makes me feel warm inside. And I don't use Twitter a lot, which is... ya know, normally the place where people post their thoughts and shit. So I'm using ao3! But people on ao3 also don't tend to comment a lot. See the position that puts me in?

This platform is by far the platform I'm biggest on. Instagram is wack, Twitter is double wack, Tumblr is just- >_>

But on here, my talent can actually be shown to people who might appreciate it, which is all I've ever wanted :)

But those same people aren't the type of people to give me feedback on the shit I post to help me become a better author (:

I need comments! Commeeeeennnnttttssss!!!

Still have no idea where I was going with this chapter... but I'm gonna stop it there. I'll try to stick to only having one topic per chapter, otherwise I'll be typing away for hours and no one will read it. Which is... fine but... I want to entertain! More on that in the next chapter...

Thanks so much for reading, I hope you decide to talk to me in the comments! I love hearing from you. Bye byeeee!


	2. About Marion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm Marion, and I'm a weirdo.
> 
> ~Possible TMI this chapter?? I don't know what normal people think of as TMI, but the word sex is used quite a bit~

Hi again, it's me. Marion. ya know? The author of the stories you read sometimes? Yeah I know, I'm forgettable. That's the problem..

Oh gosh, where to start about me? Hmmm...

I am a... person. A girl? A boy? Well.. I go by girl but being called he is also really nice. I classify it as demigirl but I doubt you care to get into the specifics. But I guess I don't care what you refer to me as, as long as it's not a bitch!

I am of an unspecified age. Don't worry I'm not 12 or anything. But I'm also definitely not 35. So there's a valid age range for ya. I doubt anyone on this platform is 35... but hey, miracles happen!

My main hobbies include... god this is so fucking boring. I'm not good at small talk. I annoy my friends by asking "so how was your day" any time there's a quiet moment. A habit of which I'm trying to fix, but shows no signs of stopping. God I hate being awkward. You can relate, right?

Let me just say this, I'm a fucking weirdo.

You know what my main hobbies are?!? Fucking, erotic roleplay, okay?? Or writing smut. Or daydreaming about sex. Or just anything sex related that isn't sex, because I don't have a fucking girlfriend and I haven't even ever kissed anyone ever!!

Oh! I also like reading erotica. That's another fun hobby.

I also play Minecraft Dungeons with my older and younger sister, and attempt to work out every day but most of the time am too tired and uninterested to. I'm... a mess, kinda. But I bet you're no better >:(

I'm also a bit of an uwu girl. It started off as an ironic joke but now I use uwu and owo in a daily setting and have to stop myself from using it in one of my stories. Also another problem I need to fix. Ugh, god..

So all in all, I'm just a fucking gay mess and all I care about is gay sex and pussy and kissing cute girls and writing about cute boys and fucking... just fucking.

That's all you really need to know about me I guess...

Hm...

Oh!

I've always aspired to be an entertainer!

But before that I'm gonna be an elementary school teacher.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Marion, you just spent the last thousand words explaining to us how your whole life revolves around sex stuff, I don't think you're in any position to be a preschool teacher."

And that's where you're god damn wrong, mate!!

I _love_ kids. So much. They're so cute and their brains are mush and all they do is drool and whine and look adorable and squishy. What's there not to love?? I would give my life to ensure that a classroom of kids are happy, and that's saying something cause I actually kinda value my life at this point in time!! So I'm going to college to be a teacher and none of you can stop me because I have been pretending to teach kids since _I_ was a kid.

No joke! When I was a young child I would sit in an empty room and pretend to be reading a story to a group of kids. I'd show them the pretty pictures and everything too. You know how teachers stop reading and just pan the book from side to side to the kids so all of them can see. Ahhh so precious. That's gonna be me, I'm gonna be reading to kids OwO

But then after I'm a teacher, approximately 15 to 20 years after, I'm planning to own my own media production company.

I already have a name for it! Puppet Master Productions! Catchy, right? No, it's actually not, and you're a liar if you thought yes for even a second.

Needless to say I have big plans, both for life and for my company. If possible, I'd like to be a company similar to Roosterteeth, but also completely unique. Specifically, I've always been interested in making video games, tv shows, animated shows, movies, etc. And I'd give my soul to achieve my dreams! But I'd also give my dreams to achieve my goal of having the perfect wife who actually loves me so...

I'm very... very underqualified to do these things. I have a high school experience with game making, I cannot draw for the LIFE of me (I drew my own profile picture on here, you like?) let alone animate, and I have a very very VERY small knowledge of how to work a camera, as well as script making and directing. But that's not gonna stop me!! Besides, I don't need to know how to do that stuff if I just hire other people to do it for me!! Hence, Puppet Master Productions.

It's such a big dream of mine that I have lots of ideas planned out for it already. I think up a new animation idea approximately... two to four times a day. Some of them are good enough for me to write down, and some of them I prefer to keep in my mind for... various reasons.

Does it have anything to do with the "daydreaming about sex" thing I mentioned earlier? What?? No. Pffft. You're crazy, reader. I would neverrrr.

But maybe I'll tell you guys about them sometimes, or at least about my favorite ideas..

Oh! I also have some ideas for actual stories that I'll publish one day! Definitely not eroticas, because I want to maybe sell them to my old high school library one day, but I think they're kinda interesting ideas. And they're all gay! We need more gay content in this world. If I don't see a book about girls kissing pussy lips in my local library if they ever open up again, I'm throwing hands with god.

This chapter is a mess. Like me! I'm the mess.

So I'm gonna end it here.

Thanks for deciding to read, and I'll see you guys when I do. It's fun typing. I should type more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Comments are appreciated~


	3. A Specific Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite ideas for a show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third chapter that I'm writing within a 60 minute period and no one has (or ever will) read this work yet, but that's not gonna stop me.

Hi it's me again. The mess, remember?

Literally no one cares about this work, no one will ever read it, and I should focus my thoughts more on finishing the newest chapter of The Ties, but I'm not going to because I have no morals :3

This chapter, I'm going to choose to talk about my favorite idea for an animated series that I have! Because quite frankly I'm tired of just thinking about it every night before I go to bed. It deserves to be shared with the world. Quite frankly, if I have to think about it then so do you.

I haven't come up with an actual title for it yet.. It's actually based off of a roleplay I had with an old best friend who has since been cut off due to the immense emotional trauma she caused me for about the last 5 years (might talk about that another time), so I'm not gonna use the name that we used for it then. So far the name I have for it is.. A Fantasy Story. And it's a sucky name cause it's barely based on fantasy stuff. Sure it's in a fantasy WORLD but.. ya know.. What do you think? Gimme a name idea in the comments, I just might use it.

A Fantasy Story is about this guy (spoiler btw, this story is very gay) named Lucas who was born into a world where animoids/demi-humans make up about 40% of the world's population. Lucas, however, is very bigoted towards said demi-humans, and was raised by his dad to kill them with his trusty sword >_>

But then one day, while in a fight with a fairy creature, said creature teleports Lucas out of his country and into a foreign one, where he has no idea where he is, has no money on him, and knows no one. He runs into the nearest building to seek help, and wouldn't you know it, but he meets an animoid! Immediately he tries to kill it, but upon learning that said animoid can talk and react like a human would (which he thinks is VERY weird, as he's only ever met wild demi-humans and animoids) he manages to get some information out of the animoid. He's on the other side of the world in a (made up) country called Kanvia, he's in a frozen yogurt shop talking with a serpentine named Stewart, and there's virtually no way for him to get home. So he does what any sane (although he himself isn't very sane) human does and begins living with them. And that's the premise of the whole show.

It's a semi-mature slice of life comedy about a guy coming to terms with living with creatures who he believes are below him in every way. And spoiler spoiler, he eventually falls in love with the serpentine, Stewart. It's a veeery slow build, though. And it's enemies to lovers, which is my everything!

The show's a lot deeper than that, but if I were to explain all of it I'd probably end up running into 4k words this chapter. I have a lot of it planned out already!

I have plenty of characters planned out, settings, side characters and antagonists, funny moments and bottle episodes. I can basically make the whole series right now, but I have no one to animate it. Hence the production company I want to make.

It's actually supposed to be a very comfortable show! Just a funny, goofy little series about an angry guy and a bunch of animal-humans.

I'm not a furry btw. They just have ears and tails. Don't look at me like that >:(

Of course, the story gets deeper as time goes on. Other demi-human creatures get introduced, characters get their arcs, Lucas comes to terms with his own fucked up morals and tries to become a better person for the man he's growing to love, and also the characters may or may not fight god at one point. I dunno, I don't want to get into too many spoilers. But it's a good show. At least to me. I mean _I'd_ watch it, but I dunno if that's saying much. I also watch Camp Camp.

Maybe one day I'll write a bit of the story in a book format if you guys are interested.. I don't know.. I don't think anyone cares.....

That's all for this chapter! Thanks for reading and please leave a comment!


	4. I Live to Entertain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My wants in life are quite simple, actually.

Currently 1:44 am and I should definitely get to bed before I have to go to work tomorrow, but I can't stop thinking about writing more to this journal that no one reads.

Except one person has read it so far and I really like them! Shout out to that one person whose name escapes me because it's 1:44 am and I am known for having the memory of a celery stick (names and faces ESPECIALLY escape me) but thank you for commenting and I hope you stick around!!

Oh hey it's 1:45

Since somewhere around the end of 6th grade, I've always wanted to make art.

It started with Five Nights at Freddy's, believe it or not. Have always been a huge fan of the series (guess where I got my screen name from), but that's a topic for another time. I had just moved to my new house in a poorer neighborhood, the first house my family had actually owned for the past couple of years (we used to jump around from rented house to rented house until we could afford our own) and was taking my new bus to the same school. I didn't know anyone on the crowded and loud bus, and I just wanted to get the ride over with. I had nowhere to sit though, until this girl (now boy) to my right told me I could sit next to him. And so I did. That later became my first close childhood friend after I moved from my home state of Maryland in 2nd grade but THIS ISN'T A BIOGRAPHY LOL.

Anyways, I grew close to said boy, and sat near him and his friends on the bus for the rest of the school year. Until one day his friend was drawing some humanized version of Bonnie (yes it was that kind of friend group) and he asked me if I could replicate it to the best of my abilities. (Behold, the world's first "draw this in your style" was born on this day).

I drew it and I thought it was pretty damn good, so I went home and drew more and more until I realized, hey, I fucking like to draw. And so I kept drawing. They fucking SUCKED back then since I hadn't ever drawn seriously till that day, but I kept doing it lmao.

Thus sparked my search for higher art.

Well, actually this wasn't the first of it. It actually all started since I was a kid and would read 5 books a day and sit in an empty room staring at the ceiling and daydream about random ass shit, but this started my dive into the art community itself.

Since then, it's become a lot clearer about what I actually want to do with my life.

I want to entertain!

In fact, I believe it's my life's purpose.

It's taken me..

*looks at watch*

Approximately 7 years to realize what exactly I want to do with my life, but it's definitely to entertain.

But that's not me saying that's what I want my career to be, exactly. We all know I want to be an elementary school teacher, right? We all knew that. (also it took me about three tries to spell the word elementary)

But see, just cause I want to be a teacher/business owner when I grow up doesn't mean I don't also want to entertain.

I plan to also be a youtuber, you see.

But contrary to other youtubers who quit their jobs or drop out of school to pursue youtubing, I just want it to be a hobby... Forever!

I want to talk to a camera, draw pictures, and make people laugh forever. And I literally don't care if I get paid.

Whiiich is why I want to be a teacher so I'm not TOO broke when I transition into real adulthood.

I would run my whole media production company myself if I could! I'd make the games, write and draw the webcomics, animate the animations all myself if I fucking could. And I'd put it all on youtube for free for the whole of everyone to enjoy forever and not be sad about it. But you see I fucking can't, I have no skills.

**Hence the production company.**

Which is why I need to make money for it. To pay my workers who DON'T live to entertain. See the problem?

But I myself would give everything I have to my viewers for absolute free if I could. Which is why I love platforms like ao3 and Wattpad (even though Wattpad has gone downhill since the last time I was on it) soooo much. Cause I can give you my work and entertain you guys as much as I possibly can!! I can create and entertain for free like I've always wanted. Like I live to do!

I'm just fucking bad at it.

I can't write for shit, I just hide it with lots of description/imagery and big words.

I could just as easily change "He gazed at the man before him with a feeling of sudden anxiety pounding between his ears with the force of a thousand trains thundering through a snowy tundra" to "He looked at the guy with sudden and intense anxiety." And I feel like the last option is the better option <_<

What was I saying again? Oh yeah. I have add.

I live for my viewers. Without people watching what I do, do I even exist?

Hell, I sometimes have really vivid and full fantasies about how I'd perform best in front of a large group of people at my school. And how much they'd cheer for me and want to see more of my work. All for free. All for me! That's what I want! To present! To be seen!

It's a large reason why I love presenting when I know what I'm talking about. Plenty of people will complaaaain about "I don't wanna go up in front of my class uwu it's too anxiiietyyyyy" and then they go up and talk like a robot and make me want to point a shotgun between my eyes.

If you're gonna present, do it with some fucking life behind those teeth of yours! Give me intonation, some tone, some actual fucking power! Crack jokes, even. Don't know what you're talking about? Neither do they. Make a joke about it.

"Haha, sorry, I'm a fucking mess today." And then finger gun some amusement into their hearts. That's what I do anyways and it works every time.

WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS AGAIN?

I swear, I need to start doing plot outlines for this journal diary thing.

Anyways I live to entertain. I live to write and create for you. And if I can't create for you guys then I fear I'll never truly be happy.

If I live to the age of 70 and never got to have my many many MANY ideas put on any kind of screen for anyone to see, I'm pretty sure I'd commit euthenasia. I did not spell that right.

Which is yet another reason why I enjoy comments so much! Sure you could think "this was really good" and leave a kudos or whatever, but for WHAT? Kudos is just a number! To me it's more like "haha I enjoyed that, like" and that's it. Nothing. It means nothing to me >:(

But if you cooomeeeentt?? My heart SOARS!

Comments like "Omg??? This is so??? Good???" make my heart just go "omg?? I?? LOVe you????" and then I do a little happy dance and smile at my screen and want to write more because I get to see how much you like my shiiiit!!

Think of it as, like... if I were to do stand up. If I do stand up on a stage and then the room claps, I'll think of it more as me being able to pleasantly amuse the crowd, which is okay too but not what keeps me going. it doesn't make me feel like I'll be remembered, ya know? But then if someone came up to me and started complimenting me on my act? Dude?? I think I'd pop a boner right then and there. And I can't physically pop boners.

I think I might just kiss that person on the lips with such a passion that they'll still have whiplash several hours later.

Not to say I'd kiss you guys on the lips haha-

Unless you want me to <_<

Lemme stop being horny on main before you decide to stop reading this journal.

...

I hate to say it but..

Where was I going with this?

Allow me to stop right here before this chapter goes on forever.

These chapters are a lot of fun, I like writing to you guys like you're my friends. Because in reality, I'd probably really be friends with a lot of you. At least, I believe so. Cause you comment and I read it and I think "huh, kinda seems like me."

In conclusion, I love to entertain you for free, I'll continue to do it forever, your comments give my heart boners, and I most definitely will NOT kiss you on the lips ahaha.

Please do leave a comment telling me what you think and don't be afraid to try to have a conversation with me. Chances are, I'll a 100% respond. :)


	5. My Toxic Friend - Story Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I talk about something deep for once.
> 
> This chapter is very long, and contains some mention of emotional abuse and trauma. It's not that bad, but viewer discretion is still advised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It means a lot to me that you read this chapter. Just cause I'm saying this doesn't mean you have to, I'm just saying this because if you choose to, you're the best :)

I was inspired by my favorite person on this website ever, KingSavage I believe the name is (hey I remembered this time) to share the story of my now ex best friend of five years. Because quite frankly I like to talk, and talking about shit that hurts makes it sometimes hurt less.

This chapter might be long, I don't know. But I'll try my best to keep it entertaining.

When I was younger, approximately 5 years ago, I met this girl for the first time. She sat behind me in our homeroom class and managed to make me laugh with a few of her replies to the teacher's comments. I managed to do the same to her in the same way. So I turned around in my seat and introduced myself to her. Let's call her N.

This girl, N, and I became very close after that. This was also the time where I was still really close to my first childhood friend, let's call him C in the future. So N and I had a lot in common, we both liked Five Nights at Freddy's, we both liked writing, we both liked romance a heck of a lot. During the first few months of our friendship, though, it was rocky because at the time she was still pretty damn Christian and didn't like the idea of The GaysTM. Over time that changed, though, and I found my very first roleplay partner. Our first few roleplays are cringy shit that I think I still have the documents for (if I read through them again I think I'd die), but over time we got better at it and found ways to tell each other fun stories through pretending to be other characters.

We made Original Characters, never any fan characters. They started out as fan characters, though. Fnaf fan characters lol. Which is why for a long time, Stewart and his friends were actually just animtronics/androids who worked at a frozen yogurt shop. (It was only after leaving her that I came up with the idea of animoids huehue). But the characters we made together were just.. very fun. We had a very fun relationship at first. I miss it..

Eventually, though, we started getting into fights. And those fights eventually became more and more often. And they would be about useless things. Like my character in a roleplay would do something uselessly weird and then we'd go into our chat room and fight about it and then.. I don't know. It was all just pitiful and useless. So our first big fight was probably about something really stupid. But it caused us to stop talking for a couple of months. We stayed out of touch throughout the summer, and then when school started again, we happened to share some of the same classes.

I got anxiety every time I saw her, though. Like literally I had mini panic attacks every time her form crossed my line of sight. It was.. stressful.

My friend, C, was still kind of friends with her though. So I confided in him about how I felt. At the time, I thought of our fight as stupid and kind of wanted to be friends with her again, but I was afraid she hated me. He helped me to reach out to her again, and eventually one night she messaged me asking for my opinion on a roleplay she had with another friend. Needless to say, that night I had a mini panic attack. But eventually we eased into being friends again. And things were nice! For.. a while.

We eventually started roleplaying again, talking every day, being friends. I really do miss our friendship, even. She was the type of girl who thought saying "potato" was the funniest shit ever. And it was!! At least to us. And that's what I miss about it. I can't just make random sounds to my now friends, they'd call me weird and not understand. (Most of them, at least. My new best friend is fine with it. Love her.) But she understood me. She got me. And I was so happy that I had her. She was great.

It got to the point where.. I realized I was actually in love with her. Sure, I'd had a crush on her since we met cause she is really fucking cute (I say "is" because I still think she's fucking cute, she just also fucking sucks) but it was to the point where I pictured myself spending the rest of my life with her. And I was happy about it. So one day I confessed to her, and a week later she said yes. So I had a girlfriend I truly loved :DD

That didn't last long, though.. Eventually she told me she'd never loved me back. She just agreed to go out with me because she assumed she'd eventually fall in love with me if we continued to talk. So now I have trust issues haaaah.

But we continued to be friends after that. I haven't even gotten to the bad part yet, hue hue.

Eventually.. things began to change with us..

She began to get.. more controlling. More manipulative. She would say and do things for the sole purpose of getting me to do what she wanted. And most of the time it worked. But it made me unhappy.

And it was all because of our fucking roleplays.

Every time I made a character or one of my characters did a thing she didn't like, she'd text me to talk about it. And then we'd go back and forth about what was the best option. And then she won. That was it. She got what she wanted every single time. Every. Single. Time. Because in the end, it was either her way or the highway. And I didn't want to choose the highway.

You see, I was so fucking desperate for her. For her friendship. I won't deny it, I was a fucking simp for N. Hardcore. I did anything I could to make her feel loved and happy. Even if that meant changing a large part of my character's personality for her. Even if it meant changing a large part of MY personality for her..

It used to just be the characters. But then it got bad..

She wanted ME to change. She hated how I was. Because sometimes the things she hated about my characters would come back up. Because I liked it so much. But she hated it. Hated that I kept trying to push her to accept certain things about my characters. She said it was me "pushing her to do things that made her uncomfortable." But it was never about her doing anything, always about my characters. It was to the point where she would refuse to do certain roleplays with me because my character said something that made her uncomfortable once.

And a bad part of it was the THINGS that made her uncomfortable.

I don't know if she's still like this.

But N was pretty damn homophobic.

Not that she hated gay people, because don't get me wrong, every single one of our rp relationships was gay lol. No, that wasn't the problem..

She was the type of girl to believe that if a gay relationship didn't consist of one girly bottom and one manly top, it wasn't good enough to be in the roleplay. Relationships with a tall bottom and a short top made her "uncomfortable." Relationships with a top who also occasionally bottomed made her "uncomfortable." Hell, she wouldn't even let me have top characters who were strictly into guys and guy parts only, because apparently sometimes her bottoms just had vaginas and my tops had to put up with it! It was.. a mess...

She also thought switches were weird and should die. In case you don't know, I'm a switch. She also thought that guys who were subs for dom girls were abominations and shouldn't exist. Which is just <_< rude..

She was very vocal about these opinions to me, and lots of other opinions, whenever she was angry..

See, when N got angry, all bets were off. Fuck my feelings and opinions and who I am as a person. If she was yelling at me, she would come for me personally. She would bring out insults that really fucking hurt. All because my character's backstory didn't appease her or something.

She would abuse me emotionally to get her way. And most of the time it worked.

After an hour of arguing back and forth, with it essentially being her way or the highway, I would eventually feel so worn out that I give in to her whims and change whatever she wanted me to change. Because I wanted to roleplay and be with her more than anything. And she knew it. That's why she could say those things and not worry about me leaving. Because she knew I wouldn't ever want to leave her. Cause then I'd be alone..

At one point in our friendship, I was actually one of her only friends. She had managed to push away her entire friend group from her last school, which just left her with me. And this was earlier on in our relationship, so I was a bit less attached to her. I would threaten to leave her, and then she would beg me to stay. Telling me she had no one else, and that if I left her she just might kill herself cause she was so lonely. Always telling me she was crying and that she couldn't lose me. So I stayed.. And I got dependent on her..

And she always just wanted me to change! That's the thing. She wanted everything about me to change. It got to the point where I would take up several minutes in the shower just sitting under the water and yelling at myself in my head to just shut up and do what she wants, because in the end I was more open minded than her and could be fine with anything while she couldn't. So it wouldn't be fair for me to make her uncomfortable, that's what I told myself. I wanted so badly to just change myself entirely for her. To just stop doing things that upset her. Because even though we broke up, I still loved her. I needed her..

It split me into two people..

The Marion that I was, and the Marion that I wanted to be.

The Marion I wanted to be hated the real Marion. She treated the real me like shit, always yelling at me and trying to force my opinions into the gutter so I could just be who I always wanted to be. Which was the perfect person for N. The Marion I wanted to be was friends with N, the Marion I wanted to be was kind and forgiving and knew what to do and say that would make N swoon in her arms. The Marion I wanted to be was mean and manipulative towards the real Marion, trying so hard to force out the person I was actually becoming. It never worked, but she was always there..

The Marion I wanted to be was also weaker than the Marion I was. Because no matter how much she tried to convince the real Marion to do what she told her to, the real Marion's feelings would always come out on top, and make things worse with me and N. Which would lead to longer sessions under the shower head, staring into space and trying to convince myself to change through sheer willpower. It never worked..

It just sorta forced me into this dark place in my life. Where I didn't know who I was anymore. Was I the ideals and wants of the Marion I wanted to be, or was I the terrible person that the Marion I wanted to be told me that the Marion I was was. What was I?? I had no idea. And N didn't care. As long as I was the person SHE wanted me to be.

Was definitely more depressed at this point in my life than I am now, lol. Fuck that version of me forever.

At that point in my life, I was depressed to the point where I would confide in N about it. I would tell her how I was feeling, that I wanted to die and that nothing she said would convince me I deserved to live. But then at one point, she really was convinced that nothing she said could fix me. She was convinced I was flawed and wasn't trying to help it. Which I know I physically told her.. but depression just does things to me that I can't explain. It makes me feel such mixed things. I really did take the things she said to heart, even through the veil of depression. But when she started giving up, it just made me feel more and more useless. Like she wasn't trying hard enough to get me to stay with her. Which hurt.. It didn't make me feel like I was actually someone she cared about. Like I wasn't her friend.

Which.. I wasn't, even.

Throughout our friendship, she's always had another friend. She didn't talk to the friend much, because she didn't go to the same school as us. But once she finally did move schools to where we were, oh god, hell broke loose.

It became increasingly clear to me that the more she talked with that friend, the more she was beginning to realize that that friend was actually her closest, best friend.

Have you ever had a best friend that wasn't your best friend..?

Shit hurts...

Here I was, giving my all to this girl who didn't care about me as much as her other, better friend.

And trust me, she tried real hard to convince me that her friend was the better friend.

"I've never fought this much with another friend as I do with you."

"___ is better than you at roleplaying anyways."

Then why don't you just go roleplay with her?

"Because she doesn't do it as often as you do."

It became increasingly clear to me that this girl only cared about me for my characters, and for the amusement it brought her. Because whilst she clearly enjoyed roleplaying with her best friend better, she enjoyed MY company because I did gay romance and I responded quicker.

Was that it?? Was that all our friendship was to her??

Quick, gay romance. And that's it.

Cause otherwise, she could get all she needed from her _best_ friend.

Which

Wasn't

Me.

Oh but that isn't the only thing she was prejudiced against me about.

She also treated that friend better overall.

Maybe because that friend was more of the kind of person she had wanted me to be. I don't know. But either way, she didn't treat that friend like shit.

I saw it for myself.

That friend and I used to ride the same bus to school. She would show me the messages from when her and N fought. Whereas with me N wouldn't give up on her idea for the life of her, with her friend she was always so ready to apologize to her actual best friend after just a little while of silence.

Which ya know?? Hurt.

Because in all the years I've known her.

All the shit she put me through.

She's only ever apologized.

Approximately...

Less than five times to me.

Because I guess I just don't fucking deserve it.

Or maybe she just thought that she didn't need to apologize because in the end I'd stay with her anyways.

Either way.

Eventually it became very clear to me what she thought of me.

It became even more clear, haha, after she started GASLIGHTING ME.

Yes you read that correctly!

My ex best friend tried to make me believe I was CRAZY.

Why? Because she wanted me to be what she wanted me to be. Not to be myself.

Let me elaborate.

This isn't exactly the textbook definition of what gaslighting means, but bear with me.

Sometimes when we would fight, we would get into the topic of real world ethics. We would basically put our characters in a real world setting and decide how it would fare there, ya know? Like hypotheticals. If a bottom really was tall, would he still be a cute bottom? Or how come in real life, tops can be into guys and not girls, but in the roleplay they have to either be bi or pan?

Most of the time I would take the side of "well, other people might actually be like that, and they're not hurting anyone, so there's no need to pretend they don't exist."

And she would take the side of

I shit you not

YOUR OPINION IS WRONG AND INVALID AND NO ONE THINKS THAT WAY.

That's what she would tell me!!

She would literally, no joke, tell me that my opinions aren't normal and that I'm probably the only one that thinks the things I do.

We once were having this argument about whether it'd be okay for non binary people to be female presenting, having boobs and wearing dresses but still going by "they/them." I said that obviously it was okay, because they were still non binary and still deserved to have their pronouns respected. She, however, said that if a non binary person wanted to be non binary, they'd have to look the part too otherwise what was the point?

I then took this issue to my non binary friend, because I have the gift of having real world experience from real world people. Said friend then told me that, yes, non binary people can be female presenting and still be considered non binary. Okay hooray, I have proof for the argument, right? I take the information back to N.

First of all, she reprimands me for taking our "personal issues" to another person to try to prove a point. When apparently it doesn't matter if she tries to take facts from the internet to try to prove her point <_<

And then she basically calls my non binary friend.. not a real non binary person!

I tell her "N, this is literally a non binary person that I asked. They have a book about this topic exactly and they have personal experience of this exact thing. I think what they have to say is pretty valid."

Nope! Not enough for her. We're wrong, our opinions are wrong, and she's right because.. reasons, I guess!

She would continue to do this, though!

Sometimes the topics would literally be a matter of opinion. I would literally tell her "N! This is literally just what I think! This is my personal opinion that I am legally allowed to have!"

And she would tell me that my opinion is just fucking NOT NORMAL and that I'M NOT NORMAL and I'm WEIRD AND INVALID because I don't think how a normal person thinks.

That was always her argument.

Her opinion was always what everyone else thought, my opinion was always only what I thought. And I should change my opinion because it's wrong and not normal.

She tried to make me think I wasn't normal! That there was something wrong with me because I had a different opinion!!! And it just blows my mind because.. she really was trying her hardest to make me think I was crazy. Even after I told her that she was most definitely wrong and that my opinion was most likely part of a majority, she still tried her best to make me believe there was something wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

It was... A MESS.

I remember one time in particular...

I was having dinner, and I messaged her about how much I loved eating fish cause it tasted good but hated eating it cause there's so many random bones just peppered throughout the meat. (Which I thought would be a pretty valid problem that lots of people go through).

She then tells me that fish shouldn't normally have bones in it. We come to realize that a difference between us is that she eats boneless cuts of fish already prepared and frozen like that, and my family prepares actual fish, sometimes even eating the heads.

(My family is primarily of a Jamaican culture, as my mom and grandma, the only adults that live with us, actually come from Jamaica. More on that later)

And then..?? She calls. My family. Weird.

She calls. My entire family and our Jamaican customs!! Weird. Because she doesn't do what we do.

She tells me how she wouldn't ever eat a fish while it still looked like a fish because it'd be weird. I tell her "Okay, fine, that's you opinion." And then she tells me that she bets most other families don't eat fish like that. I tell her "Well maybe American families, but my family is highly based around Jamaican culture." She then just continues to call us weird and not normal. She tries to make me feel bad that my family eats fish weird..! And even when I say I'm not going to take her opinion to heart, she continues to try to convince me!

Another encounter that I can remember:

This one's a bit controversial, but we were sitting at lunch talking about shipping youtubers, cause that's a thing people do. I used to do it but then stopped, specifically after two of my favorite youtubers voiced their opinion on how much they disliked the shipping. I respected their opinion, and stopped doing it since. I mean, it also has to do with the fact that I just stopped reading fanfic a long time ago and am now into original works, but still. The point is I don't do it. But we were talking about how some people still do it.

I had the controversial opinion that unless a youtuber states outright that they don't want any fans to be making any type of fanfiction about them or them with another youtuber, there's nothing inherently wrong with making art based on them. Because in my opinion, it's about them as a youtube personality, not them personally. At least most of the time. It'd be no different than writing a story about Kylo Ren, who is played by a man who is most certainly not actually Kylo Ren. It's like making fanfic about an actor playing a character. And unless said actor highly dislikes it, I see nothing wrong with it. That was my opinion, right?

She then turns to me and tells me she doesn't have that opinion, and that she believes that people who ship real people are disgusting.

Which I believe is a valid opinion to have. So I tell her that. Okay, that's your opinion. I have mine.

She continues to put emphasis on the fact that she believes it's disgusting and anyone who does it deserves the upmost hatred.

I continue to tell her that that's her opinion and that I don't agree, but that I'm not going to fight with her on it.

I refused to try to get her to pick a fight with me then. But I just find it so weird that she was trying sooo hard to get me to agree that those people are disgusting and deserve to die or whatever. That was one of the lucky times where I happened to not fall into her whims.

So yeah, she tried to manipulate me by getting me to believe that I was not normal and invalid, and that I didn't deserve to have opinions if they were different from hers.

It got to the point where i started accusing her of not respecting me. She treated me like I was her weird underling who, like, needed to be "shown a new light" or something, she treated me like I was someone that was meant to be fixed. Like I was someone who was immature and heavily flawed and that she had to show me how to act like a normal person or else I'd be weird forever.

She denied these claims, but to this day I believe them to be true.

The final straw came one day after a series of lead ups.

For the past couple of months at that point, I had stopped roleplaying with her (for the sake of my mental health, and because she had given me a list of rules to follow whenever making a character that I for one didn't vibe with), I had started roleplaying and talking more to a girl who would later become my now best friend, and she had been doing the same with her own best friend. Furthermore, I just had stopped talking to her on the chatroom we used to talk, and whenever we did talk, things were on edge between us and we fought about the littlest things. (She always tried to make a big deal out of small things, another thing I had a problem with. I could go into another story about this particular thing but this chapter is long enough.)

So then she hit me up, confiding in me about how she wanted this cute boy in her class to ask her out. Now she had talked about this boy before, but I knew nothing of him because she refused to tell me. At this point, I had come to the conclusion that she only ever admired him from afar and had never actually interacted with him, so I thought it'd be weird for him to ask out a girl that he'd never talked to before. I then replied with something along the lines of "Probably not."

She then rips into me, saying things like "why would you say that" "you don't know anything" "you're only saying that because you never want your friends to actually be happy."

I have no idea where this is coming from, mind you. I guess I should have put a "lol" at the end of "probably not" to let her know I wasn't being serious. Because I wasn't being serious! I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, I was just making light banter or something. What else was I supposed to say? "I bet he will xoxo you go girl :DD" we didn't have that kind of typical white girl relationship. I was poking fun at her. But she found it unnecessary. That was on me, I guess. I should have been more clear to her.

I even tell her "Well sorry, I didn't know you guys were like that. You didn't tell me anything about him or your relationship." She then says the reason she never told me about him was because she "knows how I get." Which to this day I don't understand?? I don't get a certain way when someone has a crush on someone else, except maybe just encouraging them to talk to that person more. Maybe that's what she was talking about?? But why wouldn't she want me to encourage her to talk to her crush more?? I don't know, it just didn't make any sense to me!!

After she goes on a long spiel about how much of a terrible person I am, I go "Okay, that's your opinion of me. But I don't exactly think it's right. I'm not gonna fault you for having it though." Because at this point, I've grown as a person and have come to realize that sometimes people will have different opinions than me and there's nothing I can do about it. I accept it.

I can't shake this uneasy feeling that it gives me, though. So then I ask her if we can take a break from being friends for a while. Or at least to take a break from talking online. Because I was fine with talking to her in person, we were still friends in person. But online she was just a bitch to me. So I ask for a break so that maybe we can figure ourselves out and come back respecting each other more, something like that.

She then tells me to not bother talking to her at all. And then promptly breaks up with me.

Now in the past, I probably would have begged for her to reconsider. May have tried to apologize, work things out with her, figure out where to go from there.

But after so long.

After 5 years of putting up with her absolute bullshit.

After all that she's ever said to me.

All the insults.

The gaslighting.

The absolute disrespect that this girl had for me as a person.

After seeing how she treated me compared to how she treated her other friends.

After hearing what she thought of me as a person, after beating myself over the head with a stick trying to be better for her.

After clinging to a girl who I meant nothing to.

For five years.

I gave up.

I just said "fine. Goodbye."

And I blocked her.

And that was it...

We continued to see each other during school. But we didn't talk. Didn't make eye contact. To this day, I pretend she doesn't exist.

I found somewhere else to sit during lunch. I found other friends to talk to.

Her and her best friend, who'd rather choose her side than mine, (which I admire. She has her priorities straight at least) continued to live on happily without me. And I did the same without them.

It took a very. Very. Very long while. But I got over it.

I had dreams where I would get back together with her. Where she would forgive me and we'd be friends again. So many dreams. I had times where I was just begging myself to reach out to her, because the good times of our friendship were genuinely really good. I've had some of my friends who are still friends with her call her a good person. And I'm sure she's still a good person. She just wasn't good to me.

My chest hurt for so long after we split up.

But now I'm better. I'm over it.

I have a new best friend! We've never fought. I guess N really did just bring out the worst in me.

I still have people to roleplay with. I still have friends to talk to. I still have a life to live. And by golly I'm still gonna live it.

One thing she hated about me was that I always wanted to turn our roleplays into stories to share with the world. She told me she'd put personal things into our roleplays sometimes that she didn't want out there for people to see. Alright? BET. I took out all of her characters and changed the story. So now it's all. Completely. Mine. And she's gonna be livid about it. And I'm gonna loooove it. (I even remember one time she told me I couldn't use my characters in other stories or roleplays, because it'd make her uncomfortable seeing them in relationships that weren't with her characters. Hah! Sucks for her.)

At this point.. I don't ever want to be friends with her again. In the past I used to think it'd be okay to talk to her again after a short break. Now I realize I never want to be with her.

Because if I was with her, Stewart and Lucas's story wouldn't be allowed to be shared with you guys! And then where would I be? Nowheeere.

So that's.. my story.

The story of how I suffered through a toxic, manipulative relationship with a girl who I depended on for no good reason for five long years.

I am significantly better now, hehe.

Although... sometimes I do still miss our friendship... I mean the good times were good! But.. the bad times were bad. So... I'd rather have what I have now than force myself to be unhappy for something I had back then.

Maybe I'd like to be on good terms with her again, but I don't want to be friends with her.

God this took like two hours to write.

And I feel like I didn't get to write out everything.

Either way, thank you so much for reading. It means a lot that I can put this out there and have my story actually be read. It gives me hope for the future.

If you ever have a friend that makes you feel the way that N made me feel, it's not worth it. it will be hard, but you should leave them. I believe in you. You'll be so much happier that you did :)

Thanks for reading. Please do comment. I'll see you guys in the next chapter.


	6. My Toxic Friend - Fucking Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Think of this as a part 2 to my last chapter :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a.. poem? Story? Drabble? I wrote right after I said goodbye to my best friend of five years. It has a lot of emotions poured into it. Even reading it now, I can remember how much pain I tried to put into words. It was to the point where I had to write gibberish to try to get the feelings in my heart to stop hurting so much. It was.. a lot..
> 
> Feel free to skip this, I just want to share my feelings cause I live to entertain lol
> 
> Except it's not entertaining.. it's just sad...

I don’t care, I don’t.

Or I shouldn’t care, I guess.

It’s just

These’s a feeling in my chest

Like my world is collapsing

And I want to die

And I want to cry

But I don’t

I can’t

I have so much to live for, don’t I?

What’s so wrong with a little depression

It’s her fault, isn’t it?

She doesn’t accept me

She doesn’t want me to be sad

But she deals with it in such a

Toxic way

Ouch

Toxic

She’s so toxic

She’s so stupid

I hate her

I hate her so much

My fist collides with her face

She cries out

I flex my fingers in pain

I get in trouble

Me

For needing to tell her my feelings

Fuck

Fuck her

Does she even care

Did she ever care?

Would she ever care?

So much time

We’ve been friends for so much time

So much

We’ve been through so much

And because I

Me

Because I have the

Audacity

To remain depressed

While she wants to “change”

(she hasn’t changed)

It’s all over

A break

I just wanted a break

I still had fun with her

In person after all

End

She wanted it to end

She’s making things up to justify

An end

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck fuck fuckfufu kfucckfkfknf ejkfwn

Fuck

So angry

It hurts so bad

I hate it

Fuck fuc fuck

I want it to end

I don’t liek to feel

Lonely

I’m so alone

No one likes me it seems

Do I have no friend anymore?

I want to cry

Fuck

I want to cry

Shit

I want to cry

It hurts so bad

I want to die

I hate feeling

Why do I feel

Why

Why do I feel

I hate it

I hate life

There is nothing good in this world

Everyone hurts you

There is nothing precious

I will be alone

I am alone

Forever

THe only thing that keeps me sane

Write

Write out your feelings

Write till your fingers bleed

Write till everything in your brain comes into fruition

Fucking

Write

Fuck fuck fuck fuckjckncdskjnf

Write

Just write

Don’t stop writing

Until your chest

Stops hurting

Fuck

  
  
  
  


CRY CRY CRY   
CRY   
FUCK CUFKC   
FUCK CFUCK   
HHHSAJ

I HATE   
SO MUCH HATE   
WRITE WTIRE

WITE

I HAVE TO WRITE

I WANT TO CRY   
I HAVE TO WRITE   
TYPE   
WRITE   
TYPE FWIRTE

Just keep typing

Bit your feelings in the keys

In the words

Word

Fuclk fuck 

Wordd fuck

Wi have to rwite

Write wrirte

Wirte

Wrire

Jeeep foigh

Dhdhehe

Ai have to write

Aiwr wite

Wite wirre

H ave to write

Write please

Kee writing

Until your feelings

Fuck

Better

So much better

  
  
  


I want to write a story. About what? About how I feel. How do I feel? Hated. Sadness. I want death. Why? Her. She brings out the worst in me. She hasn’t changed. Never will. Change? What change? Better? Better how? Not for me. Fuck your crush. Fuck your homecoming. I hope he dies. I curse your happiness. I want him to be with someone else. Someone better. Someone who won’t fuck with his opinions and make him feel bad. You don’t deserve happiness. Change? WHAT CHANGE? HAPPINESS? YOU? DONT MAKE ME LAUGH. What have you ever done for me. You don’t boost me up. You push me down. Thinking you’re doing what’s right for me. Opinions? Who needs opinions, everything’s always about you. You’re always right, fo course. Change? What change? Hah. You deserve nothing. You don’t deserve your “best friend”. She is so much better. Even she knows it. Fuck fuck fuck you you you. You never thought of me as a best friend. Close friend sure, we talked every day. Nothing has changed. CHAnge?? What CHANGE?E? You’re fucked. In the head. You’re so fucked. Your everything is fucked. Your looks, your personality, your opinions (don’t be hypocritical marion) your everything. Fucked fuck fuekced. I really do hate you. I think about it a lot. You suck. You make everyone around you feel bad. Even ___ knows it. Even I know it. ___ and I talk about you. We console each other about you. You’re fucked. You suck. Fuck. Fuck. Change? What change?

  
  
  


What hurts the most.

What I hate the most.

I would take it back.

I would do it again.

If you would have me. I would.

I like laughing. You make me laugh.

I like looking at you, you’re pretty.

I like being in company, I hate being alone.

Even if it means feeling alone.

If you would apologize

If we would talk it out.

I’d take it all back

I know I would.

I want to be loved.

I need to be loved.

Love me please

Please

I want someone to love.

I hurts being alone.

I would do anything.

I would apologize.

If it means youw ould take me back.

I just want to be loved.

I don’t care who

Someone

Anyone

Even a bitch like you.

Fuck.

That’s what hurts.

I’m depserate.

I crave.

I want.

Not you.

Not how you treat me.

Love.

I want to be wanted.

I want

I want so bad.

That’s what hurts.

If I could go back.

I would keep you.

I would.

That’s what hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I'm better now. I just still hate her :)
> 
> Please do comment and thanks so much for reading!


	7. Well isn't this just great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short life update :D

Hello, how are you! I hope you're doing well haha!

I have bed bugs.

:/

I have no clue where they came from, how long they've been breeding in my bed, or if I'll be able to get rid of them effectively.

But I got em! And life is not great, to say the least.

I was hoping to just sit comfortably in bed and finish writing the newest chapter of The Ties (it's almost done, I just need to put a few more hours into it) when last night I noticed several bugs crawling around my pillows. I killed them, of course, but then wondered where they came from. They were bigger than fleas, so I didn't know if my cat had just picked up ticks from outside or something and brought them onto my bed. So I did some research.

And thank GOD I did because I was planning to put up the pile of clothes that's been on my bed for like the past two months (cause I'm a lazy person who just would pick from the pile and wear it for the day) into my closet and drawers. And then I would have REALLY had an infestation D:

I pulled most of the stuff off of my bed and into bags and went to spend the night in my mom's room. Currently my family is out picking up groceries and bug spray, and also hopefully some box spring and mattress encasements. I haven't been noticing the problem for too long, definitely no more than like 3 weeks, but apparently it takes like a week for the eggs to hatch anyways, so at this point they could be all over my room and I'd never know.

As soon as I woke up this morning, I did a heavy trash pickup on my room and put all of my personal items and loose clothes into bags and put them outside. Now all I have to do is (most likely) take them out of my drawers and closet, dry them (bed bugs die in high heat) and then... keep them somewhere until I'm certain my room is safe again. The bad thing is that I'm not the only person that lives in my room. My older cousin lives with us as well, and we share a BUNK BED. And her belongings are in there too. So we're probably gonna have to move that stuff as well :DD There's gonna be a looot of trash bags full of shit before three days are up..

I'm planning to just sleep in my mom's room for a good long while, regularly spraying my carpet and the corners with insecticide just to make sure the bugs die, and then move back into my room in maybe one to two weeks. Maybe longer. I don't know. I just hope I don't spread it cause our house has a lot of places for them to hide and we could never afford it...

I took the next few days off of work so I could get it sorted out as much as possible. Don't need to be spending 7 hours serving bratty customers when my house is on the brink of an infestation and there's lots of work to be done. I'm gonna be drying so much clothes in the next few days... someone kill me.

2020 is definitely the worst year by far. I wonder if the 1920s felt like this. And we have another decade of this?? My god..

Anyways that's just a quick life update. Sorry I won't be able to work on The Ties for even longer than I anticipated. Hhhh. It hurts me not being able to write for you guys. I want to entertain you but I don't have the time or effort!! I suck. I'm sorry. I'll finish it as soon as I can, I promise.

That's all for now. Thanks for taking the time to read and please do comment. Maybe give me some advice on the best way to do things and how long this will take? UwU


	8. Tales from the Food Service Industry #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of a series of chapters (I think) that I will post as time goes on/situations happen that I remember. Please do take these situations lightly, as so far I've never been really distressed about any of these events despite having severe anxiety at being yelled at (except maybe the Karen experience, but that only lasted a few seconds if anything) so just read these and have some fun with my PERSONAL experience at working in the food industry :3
> 
> ~All of the stories below have happened in the last 2 months~

*Two teenage (maybe young adult??) male customers sit in their car and receive their food*

Me: *handing a customer their food* Here you go, have a nice night!

Customer 1: Uh, you forgot my shake.

Me: ! Oh, I'm sorry. What was it?

Customer 1: *glances at his friend, then me* Shake them tittiessss!

*They drive off*

Me: :|

+++++

Me: *handing a customer their drinks* Alright, go ahead and pull up to the trash can, and your food will be out to you soon!

Customer: *nods*

Me: *nods back and closes the window*

Customer: *fucking sitting there staring at me*

Me: ... *opens the window* Um, pull up to the trash can?

Customer: Oh... *pulls up*

+++++

Ice cream employee: Hey, can you make sure their second order was a [insert ice cream product]?

Me: *nods and opens window*

Me: Alright, one [correct ice cream product] and one [incorrect ice cream product].

Customer: *nods*

Me: *turns to ice cream employee*

Ice cream employee: Are they sure?

Me: .. *turns back to customer* Was the second one a [incorrect ice cream product]?

Customer: ..! Oh no! It was an [actual ice cream product].

Me: Oh, alright.

(People don't fucking listen I tell you.)

+++++

Me: Alright, two [insert summer special slushie flavor]?

Customer: *nods*

Me: *nods back and handles the transaction, then hands them their first drink*

Customer: ... This isn't what I ordered.

Me: Oh..! It's not...?

Customer: No, I ordered a [other summer special flavor, basically the same thing but watermelon flavor].

Me: Oh I'm sorry about that, we'll get it right out to you. *closes window*

Order taker: I literally asked her which one she wanted..

+++++

*This time I work the dine in area and a slightly large family has come in and ordered, all sitting near the back of the store*

Kid: *running up to the counter* Can I have a water cup?

*At this point we've stopped servicing our soda machine that sits in the dine in, most likely cause of the pandemic I think*

Me: Um, I can't give you a water cup, but I can give you water?

Kid: *runs back to parent*

Kid: *runs back to me* One water please.

Me: *smiling sadly* It will cost some cents..

Kid: .. *runs back to parent*

Parent: *walks up to me* You guys don't have free water cups?

Me: No ma'am, I'm sorry. But a medium water costs 33 cents.

Parent: Could you check? Cause I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

Me: Um... *turns to my manager* Do we.. have free water cups?

Manager: *shakes head*

Me: *walking back* Yeah no, I'm sorry.

Parent: *huffs, taking out her card* Interesting, I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

Me: Ma'am, it's 33 cents.

+++++

Me: *literally reading an order back to a customer* *I'm literally reading it word for word* *there is absolutely no excuse for what happens next unless they simply didn't give a fuck about me or what I was saying*

Customer: *stares* ..

Me: ... Alright, that'll be [insert amount]. Swipe your card here.

Customer: *pays for and receives their order*

Customer: This isn't what I ordered..

Me: Oh!.. Can I see your receipt?

Customer: *hands back receipt, which literally has the exact order in the bag on it*

Me: *sighing* Well then...

+++++

Me: Alright, your total is [insert amount]! *points to card reader* Please swipe your card here and-

Customer: I don't work here.

Me: ... I'm sorry?

Customer: I don't work here.

Me: .......... *takes his card, swipes it (which literally takes .5 seconds), and hands it back to him, then douses my hands in hand sanitizer*

(It's like people don't understand what a global pandemic is)

+++++

I once was dancing to some music in the back of the store, ya know, cause I'm not a person who's dead inside and hates my life, and these customers (a large group of teenagers, some of my least favorite customers to serve) in the front of the store saw it and basically laughed at me. They then proceeded to talk about me within their group of friends, I remember one joke in particular being about me looking like Schnitzel from Chowder (I wonder if they'd still say that if I wasn't black). I was never able to confirm if they were actually talking about me, but they were actually laughing about me at least. So one can only assume. Needless to say, I felt very insecure about it for like a week. Some kids are shits.

+++++

*I'm taking an order for our carhop, who's out servicing a customer at a stall*

Me: Having a great day at [where I work]! My name is [my name], how may I help you?

Customer: Can I have uhhh ahsfnreignsvnbwqp9nfcernvhsen shake.

Me: .. I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

Customer: Can I have shewfnesrgjnbwgvilj shake.

Me: ...... An [insert shake]??

Customer: Yes.

Me: Nailed it.

+++++

Me: Alright so *begins reading out order*

Customer: *cutting me off* Can you change the [food] to a [food].

Me: ! *caught off guard* Um.. Yes, we can. *modifies the order* Alright so that will be [insert total].

*the customer pays for the food and I hand them their shit*

Customer: Where's my sweet tea?

Me: .. I'm sorry?

Customer: I ordered a sweet tea.

Me: Can I see your receipt?

*the receipt does not, in fact, show that they ordered a sweet tea, instead it came off as a water*

Me: Ah, you didn't order it, you got a water instead. Can I have the water back?

Customer: *shrugs* I'll just keep the water, how much for the sweet tea?

Me: *entering it into our computer* It's [insert price].

Customer: ??! How come it didn't come with the [number 1 meal].

Me: Um.. Cause you ordered a water with the number 1. The sweet tea itself costs [price].

Customer: Why didn't you give me it with the number 1??

Me: *showing her the receipt* Because you got a water with the number 1. The tea itself still costs money.

Customer: ..???! You owe me a sweet tea.

Me: *closes window as manager walks over and tries to explain the situation to her*

Manager: Just give her the sweet tea.

Me: *sighs*

+++++

Me: Alright! That'll be [insert price]. *points to card reader*

Customer: *nods and is about to insert chip*

Me: Swipe.

Customer: *continues to insert it*

Me: You have to swipe.

Customer: *continues to try to insert the chip into a hole that is closed off with duct tape at the moment*

Me: You HAVE to swipe it.

Customer: Oh! You said that before and I wasn't listening haha!

Me: Haha yeah.

+++++

This is my first experience with a real Karen, as far as today goes. This one literally happened last night, and I doubt it will be the last night it happens.

She had parked herself in a few feet in front of our drive thru window, making it difficult for cars to leave with their orders, and insisted that our manager go out to her and take her order instead of doing it like a normal person at one of the stalls or the drive thru.

  
So then our manager took her card and went inside to make her order. I guess she made the lady wait kind of a long time, cause I was in the middle of giving some other customers their drinks when she walked up to the window and basically demanded I give her her card back.

  
I was like “Um... just a second” closed the window and went to tell my manager that there was a lady at the window who was asking for her card. Manager told me she would get it out to her in a couple of seconds. I walk back and tell her that. She then says “No, I want it now. Go get it.” And then I have no idea what to do, so I tell her I don’t even know where it is and that I don’t have it at all. She looks at me like I’m stupid or something, so then I tell her “My manager is handling your transaction, she’ll be out with it soon..” All the while my customers are just staring at us waiting for their drinks (the customers in the car were just nice boys who understood what Karen meant, so at least that made me feel a bit better). The Karen tries to tell me something else but I don’t really hear her, so I just stare at my manager getting her order ready, ya know, like she said she would. Eventually I guess the Karen notices as well, and when my manager starts bringing it out, she just walks back to her car, still looking annoyed. I apologize to my customers and hand them their drinks, and then we talk about how Karen’s don’t understand basic English sometimes.

+++++

This concludes the first chapter of the Tales from Food Service stories. I hope you enjoyed. I'm probably missing plenty more stories to tell, but I have a shitty memory. UwU.

Please do comment, as they're highly appreciated, and I'll see you next time!

~P.S. a new chapter of Taking it in Stride is out. It's short but enjoyable, so go read!! :D~


	9. Oh my goddddd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hh

I spent like hours yesterday trying to write a new smut fic, ya know cause they're the most popular thing I write, and!! I'm trying to save it as a draft, right???!! And My mouse freaks out and clicks "post" instead of "preview" so then _I_ freak out and press cancel..

And!!!

Everything was deleted.

._.

.-.

.>.

I just crave death sometimes ya know.

Anyways how have u guys been. Been doing good? Good, good. Always nice to hear.

Just wanted to talk because, ya know, none of my stories have been getting updated lately. And I know that's very distressing for you guys. I don't want to cause you guys stress. I'm working on it, alright? It just gets hard with me being, ya know.. not good at writing.

I have this tendency to not want to post a chapter until it's perfect. And perfecting it can take hours out of a day from me. Which wouldn't be a problem, if I had hours out of a day to waste. Well, not like I spend my hours doing anything productive anyways. It's all just youtube and, like... that's it. It's all just youtube. Or reading erotica on here. And then some days it's taken up with work. But ya know, I need to have free time in my life too? I think? Like.. it's not like I don't want to entertain you guys. But it is just a hobby after all :/

I don't know.. things are just hard.. And no one except King Savage even reads this journal lmao. So it's like what's the fucking point anymore. No one caares. I bet no one even reads the notes in my chapters. Which is fine I guess. Just saaaad.

In the end, the only thing that matters is that I make you guys happy. That's all that's keeping me going nowadays. Sad life, huh? When I can't even make people happy enough to comment their happiness. Unless I explicitly ask for it! I try to reply to comments to show that I really do appreciate them so much, but it's hard when there's nothing for me to reply to. Other than making silly banter and being like "haha yeah that part in the chapter was craaazy lol" like yeah, I know it was crazy, I fucking wrote it. You think I don't know how funny and insane my characters are? I'm their fucking mother for crying out loud, I'm their GOD I know everything about them!! But ya know I still appreciate the comments, because it makes me realize I'm not the only one who knows everything about them. You guys figure it out too. That's what keeps me going :3

Anyways... I'll get chapters out as soon as I feel up to it. I'm not abandoning these stories or these accounts. It just takes a while. Promise. :)

Have a good day, guys. See you soon.


	10. Hahaha I'm terrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry :((

Hehey folks! How's it going?

Look, I know you're mad that I haven't updated any of my stories in over a month, and I'm so so sorry, I'm angry at myself too!

I've tried I swear, but the artist block is too much! I'll be in the middle of working on the newest chapter of The Ties and then I'll be like "this is taking long and I don't know what to do" and then will just watch youtube for 3 days. All the while feeling guilty that I'm not working on the newest chapter of The Ties!

As it stands, I have 3 (4?) thinks as works in progress. The next chapter of The Ties that Bind Us, the next chapter of Taking it in Stride, a oneshot for my new pseud (I made a new pseud specifically for making horny non-con stories, I have one ((1)) story on it so far) and a chaptered work for my new pseud. And I kinda work on them for like an hour, then procrastinate, then work on the next WIP for an hour, then it goes on in a vicious cycle forever. And that's just... my life!

The important thing is that they're coming though, right..??

Man, how do I ever expect to be a published author if I can't keep up with deadlines...

I'm doomed for the future!!

On the bright side tho...

Actually there is no bright side.

I'm broke, I'm untalented, I have only the worst kinks (why was I born with the worst kinks!! ((at least I'm not a pedophile I guess >_>))), I have no girlfriend, and my life is unfulfilling. As well as me not having a career path in the future.

But this isn't about me! This is about my faliure to provide entertainment to the readers who mean so much to me.

I promise you. I will finish those chapters! And then, eventually, I'll add the other stories to the Super, Idiots series, and then life will be shalalalalala dynomiiite.

I just wanted to let you guys know I'm still alive. And the stories are still on the way! I promiiiise!!

See you next time :3

And remember, comments are highly appreciated! May not respond, but I read them all!!


	11. Give me a cock!

Hey! I'm not dead, contrary to popular belief. I mean it's only really a matter of time till I'm murdered in a horrendous hate crime and it's written off as a "suicide" though. I live in a red state after all..

But yes, I am here. And I am sorry. I have... not been working on the stories I said I'd been working on. Not really an excuse either, I just haven't been feeling up to it. Writing porn is hard..!

But even though it's hard, maaaan does it rake in the views. The kudos count for The Ties has been slowing down, ya know. Which isn't something I'm sad about, of course. Kudos are arbitrary... arbitrary? What does that word mean..

*furious typing sounds*

ar·bi·trar·y  
/ˈärbəˌtrerē/  
  
adjective  
based on random choice or personal whim, rather than any reason or system.  
"his mealtimes were entirely arbitrary"

Yeah no that's not the word I'm looking for. But they don't mean much! All I care about is hits and comments really.

But boy let me tell you.

You know Star Gazing? The one shot non-con porn fic that's on my pseud? I have been getting constant kudos notifications from it every single day and the hits count only continues to rise. It's at 4k! That's as much as The Ties and The Ties has like NINE CHAPTERS. Star Gazing has ONE. Just goes to show how fucking horny everyone on this platform is. Don't know whether to feel disgust, disappointment... or pride.

But even though I do have comfort from the constant guests who think a human pet getting r*ped by aliens everyday is something they want to encourage, I just haven't been feeling up to the writing of the stories I like to write.. I'm not sure why. When I first made them I was so excited to continue the stories, and I still am, but just getting into each chapter is so hard...

I only have...*checks document* two pages of The Ties's new chapter written up. And for some reason they took HOURS to make. And yet I can spend hours a night just dreaming about stupid future ideas that probably won't get to see the light of day because I'm incompetent lmao. And ya know.. at this point I don't know what to say. Just that I owe you guys an apology. Here I am, created in this universe for your enjoyment, and you're not even enjoying me. Pathetic huh :3

I'm not sad about it, per se, just mad at myself. I'm gonna try to sit down and really punch out that chapter but sex is hard for me I guess? I mean I've never had it. Never even kissed anyone >_> and yet I just find it so compelling that i just HAAAVE to be obessessed with erotica- I can't spell.

Maybe once I'm not a virgin, erotica will come easier to me. But for the moment, I'm totally making shit up.

Maaan why couldn't I just be born a bottom bitch with a bubble butt and a cute face, I would have probably been fucked ages ago. But noooo. If the universe doesn't give me a six inch COCK in the next life I _will_ fight.

Anyways I have a headache. That is all.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming! Comments appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will work on The Ties tonight!! I promise!!


	12. It's the next day! I have an idea

Hello! I actually did not work on The Ties last night! I just reread some of my favorite eroticas and then fell asleep around 1:45 AM :3

I'm not sure why I didn't... I just procrastinate too much lmaooooo!

So yeah... Sorry! That's all really haha. I'm not good at making myself do stuff I don't feel like doing. It's been a problem of mine since middle school! That's why I think homework should be abolished >:(((

I'm not sad right now though, kinda refreshed. Wish I hadn't slept for fucking ELEVEN HOURS last night and had a fucking NIGHTMARE but ya know it's whatever.

To make up for it, I shall now tell you of an idea I have for a story I want to make, and you tell me if it's a good idea or not!

I got this idea from a minecraft youtuber I watch kinda. I dunno if you guys have heard of Wilbur Soot, but he's great. I love curly haired british boys, they literally have my whole heart. I would go straight for them and have no complaints. (Am I still a lesbian if I say that? No idea, but who cares at this point, I'm barely even actually a girl)

Anyways yeah I love Wilbur, even made a story relating to one of his minecraft episodes that I particularly liked. Which got really popular, actually! So hooray for me.

So Wilbur records his videos in an office, right? Which means he has office neighbors. Unfortunately, though, he's also a pretty fucking loud guy when he records. Which _I_ love, but I'm sure his office neighbors don't love. Do you see where I'm going with this?

So while I was watching one of his streams, for some reason I imagined how things must be on the other side of Wilbur's office wall. He works next to a lawyer I'm pretty sure..! I imagine said lawyer is pretty pissed at Wilbur's entire existence, buut Wilbur has told us how he can't really get kicked out for screaming, cause the owners of the office specifically told him so. Sucks for the lawyer I guess!

If you haven't caught on yet, yes, I was thinking of a story involving a lawyer guy having to put up with a noisy, rowdy, smug office neighbor and eventually falling in love with him. And of course it's enemies to lovers, cause enemies to lovers is my LITERAL everything and I could literally have every book I read be enemies to lovers and never ever ever get tired of it cause it's SO good.

I don't have a plot planned out for it yet, just the premise and the attitudes of the characters. In a way, the dynamic would kiind of be like with Harrison and Jace, but the Harrison type would be a lot less grumpy and more so just annoyed, and the Jace type would be a lot less kind and more so smug and annoying.

Ughhhh I can picture it now. The lawyer trying to get him kicked out, only for his plan to be foiled as the loud guy gives him this smug smile that the lawyer just wants to punch (or kiss) off of his face. I literally LOVE IT I want it soooo baaaad you have no idea.

But not unless you guys wanna read it! If not I can just, ya know, dream about it instead. I have a brain after all. But if you want me to turn it into a story I totally could! Maybe it'd even get me out of the rut that I'm in with my current unfinished stories. Could inspire me to write again. or make me hate writing even more! The future is truly uncertain. Sooo let me know what you think!

It'd also be slow burn, of course. Eventual smut and all. But let me tell you, when that hate fuck comes around, oooooh you're gonna be creaming your pants I promise you that.

Ahhhh I have to stop fantasizing about this before _I_ cream _my_ pants. I can't go to work with creamed pants..!

I'm going to work in a few hours, and I'll be working the next four days, so I wouldn't be able to start writing it then (something about my work schedule just fucks up my motivation to write at all during work days) but just in case, leaving the idea here for you to decide for when monday rolls around.

Soooo

Decide!

Comments appreciated! I will see you guys next time.


	13. Online School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking exhausted

Hi, it' currently 8:31 in the morning, I went to sleep around 4:30. I am exhausted, my mouth is dry, and I want to die, hey the rhymes.

I'm about to start my first session of online school in 4 minutes. So.. hooray...

That's really all I wanted to say.

I could go on about how I've been dead for like a month or something but I don't really want to. All I can say is that work takes a lot out of me every week and I just don't have the motivation to write.

I'll write whenever I can, I'm almost done with the new chapter of The Ties and once the sex scene is over I'll be a lot more motivated. Sex is just fucking weird. It's fun but it's weird. Idfk I don't fucking know anything. Anyways now on to my teacher classes.

Wish me luck, and I'll see you soon. Will also be posting a new Tales from the food service industry to keep you entertained.

Aight I've stalled enough. 1 minute left. See you, fellows.


	14. It's been a while! ~ November 19th, 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey! Didn't see ya there.

*strolling along doing my daily doo-doos, humming like I always do*

New commentator: Haha! This journal is great!

Me: ? Journal? .... Ohhhh... I have a journal....

~

He-hey, fellows! How you been!? Been doing good?? Goood gooood. Greaaaat....

Um...

It's been a few

**months**

since I've been on this account, hasn't it! Wow, time sure does fly.

Okay here's the deal, I haven't given up on this account or the stories in it, the truth of the matter is that I just haven't had the motivation to post anything. Which sucks because one of the highlights of my life back when I _did_ post was receiving comments and feedback!!

The last time I posted, it was a chapter on The Ties talking about why I hadn't updated and where the newest chapters were. The newest chapter has been in production for the past couple of months, just rotting away in my google drive somewhere. I haven't gotten the guts to pick it up and write again because nowadays all I want to do when I get home from school is just lay in bed and watch minecraft youtubers do their shit. By the way! You guys should watch Wilbur Soot. I made a fanfic based off of one of his videos!

Ehem, anyways, I'm sincerely sorry. I said I wouldn't give up on this account and these stories, and truth be told I absolutely haven't. I think about the stories a lot and how to get them where I want them to go, I'm always thinking about how to introduce the subplot of the ties that bind Jace and Harrison, and which character's I should make stories about for the Super Idiots series. There's just also a lot going on in my life right now! So, some quick updates so you don't have to question anything about me!!

-Updates-

I no longer have bed bugs! At least as far as I'm aware.. every couple of weeks I'll find another one of those fuckers and have to gas out the room again. But!! No infestations :)

I am still a lonely lesbian! Please help!

I don't plan on updating The Ties that Bind Us any time soon, or Taking it in Stride, just because I want to work on those when I'm happy to work on them, not when I'm forcing myself to work on them. I do a lot better when I'm motivated than when I'm strapping myself to the computer for several hours just trying to type one paragraph about a dick going into a butt. It's hard, guys. I love it, but it's not easy.

I DO, however, plan on making a new story. About college guys. And magic! Cause I love magic. Dunno when it will come out, but I'm outlining the details now. So look out for that whenever it happens! It will be a lot shorter, possibly even a one shot (or a two shot, idk yet) so it will be a lot easier to focus on cause it will be a lot more laid back of an upload schedule. It will, though, be made on my pseud, Badstorionette, where I put all my dead doves which shall not be eaten. And yes, the story will have quite a bit of dead doves to avoid eating.

My cat is being very annoying and clingy right now. I love her but she is just so much sometimes >:(((

My cat is cute

Her nose is wet tho, ewwy

I am still a lesbian

School is fucking hard, and I'm very angry about the schedule change for school, which allows more students to get covid at a time due to them being all in the same room. So boo for my school, but at least I'm not failing? It's a C average right now and it's cause I keep procrastin- MY CAT KEEPS LICKING ME EVEN THOUGH IVE TOLD HER MANY TIMES THAT I DISLIKE IT WHEN SHE DOES

I have moved my cat to a more convenient position away from me.

I might make more fanfics about minecraft youtubers, I don't know. It's been a while since I made a fanfic. I kinda swore off fanfics after my horrid fnaf days *vietnam flashbacks* but I might just have to get into it again? There'd be no romance in it, but sometimes I find that writing action and drama is more fun than writing sex. It's kinda an on and off thing for me. One day all I can think about is clits in mouths and dicks in butts, but the next day all I can think of is angst and crying and corruption arcs, and both are equally satisfying to me. In fact, I might just start writing a story without any sex in it! Or at least a really slowburn. We'll see! Maybe I'll start tonight! I'm spontaneous like that!

I have racked up somewhat enough stories to tell to give you another Tales from the food service industry. Which might be the next chapter, posted tonight We'll see! I'm spontaneou-

Now I miss having my cat on me :(

I'm trying to start a fandub of a comic I really like.. I know this is really fucking random, but I've posted on here before about how much I want to make my own media production company, right? So I love media in every way, and I really love this one comic called The Property of Hate. It's sooooo fucking good in every way and I have perfect ideas for voices and background noises and music and just hhhhh I want to do a fandub so bad. So if you're intersted in being a voice for that and have a fairly decent microphone, I don't know, comment below! We can get in touch that way. Even if you think you might not be casted, why not go for it anyways? Could be fun! In fact it will be fun! :DD

I might even pay you, we'll see! I'd be paying out of my own pocket so-

I'm still a gay ass bitch, but with even more added gender confusion! Am I a female? Am I a man? Am I a both? A neither? I don't fucking know! But I wish I was a twink! :DDDD

But boobs are nice too.

These updates have devolved.

The cat is back :)

What else can I say to you except... expect more from me! It's coming. Maybe not soon, but eventually!

I _will_ finish The Ties and I _will_ finish the Super Idiots series and I _will_ make more and I _will_ entertain and I _will be coming._

So expect me.

Also! Shoutout to our newest commentor: JMRulz! Thank you so much for commenting! I've read all of them and they make me laugh, and I'll get around to reading your journal as well at some point! Just remind me later on. Only reason I didn't respond is cause there's not much to say, other than thanks for reading!! I hope to see you comment more in the future, it makes me excited to think about! Welcome to the journal family. We barely get any views.

That's all for this chapter, and I'll see you in the next one. Please do comment!!


	15. Updates! - December 13th, Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes hello

Hello again! I have been.. a thing.. yeah... I've been actually doing very terrible.

But I don't want to delve into my problems, cause they're personal. Basically! My depression has officially hit full swing, and the suicidal thoughts are back. And that's jsut so fucking wonderful :))

I just recently possible lost my closest friend again, making me start to believe that _I'm_ the problem, so maybe I am the problem, and maybe I should just die! I predict I'll be killing myself sometime around the age of 25... Maybe sooner. Maybe next year, depends. If I don't get anything going for myself any time soon then it's so over for me hahaha.

Anyways that's not the point of me coming here! The point of me coming here is to talk to you guys about progress on writing..!

I have not written anything since we last talked :)

But! Since I no longer can distract my constantly running mind with small talk with my best friend, I will instead choose to distract myself with stories..! I'm just not sure where to start.. well... I know where to start buuut I doubt I'll be able to do anything with my idea.

See, in case you didn't know, I'm extremely into minecraft youtubers, specifically Wilbur Soot and, more recently, Tommyinnit. And if you happen to follow these particular youtubers, you'll notice that they have a roleplaying series called the Dream SMP, and if you follow THAT series, then I have nothing else to say to you except I'm sorry.

Also in case you didn't know! I've actually written a fanfic for one of these youtubers at one point, Wilbur Soot to be exact, about one of his "100 players" videos. It was about one of the people on the video, and I just made up a story for it, but it got quite popular, actually! And by quite popular, I mean like 500 views. Which is a lot for me! Nice to know 500 people liked my story :)

It was called Dark World and I wrote it in a couple hours, and I had a great time with it. So I was thinking I could redo it with the events of the Dream SMP, but there's a couple of issues with that...

Issue 1: The only reason I was able to make Dark World was because it was from the perspective of someone we couldn't see. I had full creativity to make up a story that didn't exist and to add my own spice to it, because in the end it was about random characters, not main characters. However, with the Dream SMP, there's nothing to make up. The only thing I'd be doing is adding detail to scenes that people have already seen the entirety of, and why would someone read something when they've already watched the full thing and know all the details? I'd just be rewatching the streams and typing it down word for word. I wouldn't be _writing_ anything. I'd just be.. transcribing. That's not cool.

Issue 2: I'd have seemingly nowhere to post it. I'm sure there's a Dream SMP amino, and maybe a Dream SMP reddit and all that, but I'm not prevalent on there so there'd be no activity on the story at all. The only reason I was able to get so many views on Dark World was because I posted it to the Wilbur Soot reddit on the day he had made a video about that exact thing. What's the chance that someone will click on my retelling of the events on the reddit when they could just as easily scroll past it?

Issue 3: Furthermore, there's not enough support for writers as there is for artists in fandoms. Anyone can draw a picture that's really good, and youtubers go crazy for that shit. They eat it up like candy and post that shit on their videos and tell their fans to check out the artist. But if someone were to write something about them, well then what? Are they gonna post screenshots of the story on their twitter? Further futhermore, to tell a good story most likely means there will be a lot of words. Not that poems and short stories can't be good, but long stories with beautiful and intricate detail are less noticed because no one is willing to sit down and read through it. Especially considering people don't read as much anymore. There's just a huge gap between artists in fandoms and writers in fandoms: In that writers get none of the love that artists get, despite them putting just as much work into their finished products.

Issue 4: I feel like I'd somehow fuck the story up. Idk.

So yeah there's quite a few gaping issues about trying to make a story out of that stuff. But it's really my main inspiration now, so I'm not sure... I dunno. I might delve into writing a regular story with no smut just so that I can get into writing again. Since it's been so long.. and sometimes action and drama and angst are more fun to write than dick in butts. I'll have to see. I might start tonight, but who am I kidding? I'll probably get demotivated again.

SO yeah I'm just... in a slump. There's nothing going for me, I'll be honest XD

Trying to start a youtube channel though! Because I don't know if you know this, but I'm extremely hilarious >w>

Anyways that's all for now. I might be posting something later tonight, we'll really just have to see. I already have like 5 WIPS that will maybe never be finished (not the main stories on my channel, I'll finish those. But I mean the ones I've never posted before) so it's just like... what's the point? XDXD

Thank you so much for reading. As always, comments are appreciated!

Bye byeee!


End file.
